Pull my finger... (Happy Father's Day)

Happy Father’s Day to those of you who are fathers. I’m not, and I have what has become an estranged relationship with both my father and stepfather. So today is just another Sunday for me. Read the paper, look at the Internet, nap, watch TV, etc., etc.

Like most Hallmark holidays, I thought about letting this one slide by unmarked. I like the way Scott Adams writes the comic strip “Dilbert”: he takes no notice of holidays or world happenings, allowing Dilbert’s world to exist as a separate entity from the rest of the world.

But with one eye on possibly doing something, I perused the Internet to see what was up with dads. I found a lot of weird dad humor, the sort of thing that I remembered from my childhood. Dads seem to make a lot of non-sequiturs, puns, and other bizarre comments and observations; the sort of things a mom would never say. Most are seemingly harmless. None of the comments I found indicated any ill intent on the part of the dad. No one’s father had taught them the wrong names for things, as I heard one comedian suggest he would do with his children.

Here then is a collection of offbeat dad observations I found in various ‘net locales. I recognized some as things my dad did or said when I was young. I’m sure there’s at least one thing on the list most of you have seen or maybe even done yourself.

• Whenever my dad walks past a bunch of thistles, he stops at one of them, points, and says, “This'll do.”

• Upon hearing someone in a bar/restaurant dropping glasses or crockery: “Sack the juggler!”

• Anywhere with stuffed and mounted animal heads: “It must have been going pretty fast when it hit that wall!”

• When I was kid I would ask if I could watch the TV. He always said, “Yes, but don't turn it on.”

• When my dad would see a “watch for pedestrians” sign, he'd suggest we get out and walk so that we'd get a free watch.

• Where are we Dad?
In the car.

• Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi hungry, I'm Dad.

• After watching you fall over: “Have a nice trip!”

• Mentioning to the waiter, “I'm on a special seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”

Finally, a Dad joke appropriate for the day:
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” asked the teacher.
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

And a Neil Young song that may not be so appropriate for the day, depending, I suppose, on your relationship with your father. It's from a 1971 live performance in London.

Old Man.mp3


Mediamax is back up and the file has been switched over

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